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Want to be an NCSE Steve?

How to Become one of our Steves!

Are you tired of being ignored by your colleagues at professional meetings?
Do your students yawn every time you begin a lecture?
Do neighbors not invite you to cocktail parties anymore because you always talk about dermestid beetles?
Well, my friend, you have the power to put a stop to that today simply by becoming an NCSE Steve. Why settle for being just another Jonathan, Michael, or William when you can be what you've always dreamed of being ... an NCSE Steve.
To see if you qualify, just answer these simple questions:
  • Are you named Steve, Stephen, Steven, Esteban, Etienne, or Stephanie?
  • Do you have a Ph.D. in a scientific field?
  • Do you want the kind of success in life you always thought was reserved for the "other Steves"?
If you answered yes to all three of these questions, then you have what it takes to become an NCSE Steve!
Will becoming an NCSE Steve make a difference in your life? Just listen to these testimonials.
Before I became an NCSE Steve, opportunities just never seemed to come my way. But now my department chair holds the door open for me, and brings me coffee!
--Stephanie

I must have had the worst love life in the whole field of leech systematics, but now that I'm an NCSE Steve my social life has really taken off!
--Steve

I was out of shape and lethargic, and just didn't care what other people thought of me. Since becoming an NCSE Steve, I've lost 35 pounds and improved my tennis game, and my hair is coming back! Thanks, NCSE!
--Stephen
Another unsolicited testimonial:
Steve here. I have been waiting my entire scientific career for just such an opportunity...a chance to STAND OUT...a chance to SHINE...a chance to SHAMELESSLY CAPITALIZE WORDS THROUGHOUT MY SENTENCES!!!...AND TO USE EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!...WITHOUT REASON!!!! Yes, at LONG LAST my colleagues shall TREMBLE at my approach. They shall FEAR ME!! They shall FOUL THEIR TROUSERS!!! By God, I am a proud Steve, a MOLECULAR BIOLOGIST, and I FEAR NO MAN. Darwin was bloody great all right!!! and that Wallace was no slouch either....and Dawkins...don't get me started. Yes, please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE accept me as one of your own...a LEADER, a GREAT THINKER, a BEACON TO LESSER HUMANS, a veritable IDOL and HERO!!!...an NCSE Steve. Receiving my doctorate PALES in comparison. My marriage is AS NOTHING when placed beside this honour. My very existence would be JUSTIFIED IF YOU ACCEPT ME INTO THE FOLD.




Still not convinced? Then just listen to what becoming an NCSE Steve did for... Steve.
There I was, standing on the ledge twenty-five stories up. I just felt I couldn't go on. Then I heard Bill from the paleobotany department inside the window say, "Did you hear about this NCSE Steve thing?" Well, I knew from then on things would be different for this Steve.
--Steve
To become an NCSE Steve today, contact NCSE. Why go one more day without being able to say, "I am an NCSE Steve"?